Please Don’t Call Me Mature
There was a time in my life when it was a huge compliment to be referred to as mature. I’ve always been an “old soul”, behaving much older than my years. People always mistook me for being older, and I always took it as a compliment. I loved passing for a teen, when I was 10, and 21 when I was 17, and 30 when I was 21. Mom used to say I was 16 going on 32. I’m over 50, so what would I be going on now, 75? Please don’t call me mature!
That word has taken on an entirely different meaning. Now that I’m pushing 60, “mature” seems to refer to my chronological age. Even if I don’t mention age when the word mature pops up, that’s where everyone’s mind automatically goes. I’m no longer an old soul. Or maybe I am a very old soul. You know what? Don’t call me old, either!
The Prime of Life
I’m surprised to be feeling sensitive about my age, as it has always been my badge of honor. As the years have pressed on, I’ve noticed how people treat me differently than they did years ago. Some might refer to those years as “in their prime”. But I feel like NOW is my prime! So how can I be referred to as elderly? I can almost subscribe to being referred to as an elder, but never elderly!
There are so many negative connotations to aging. Geezer, codger, biddy, old bag, hag, fogey, there is a long list of derogatory names for the aging population. Words matter. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have been taught the sticks and stones limerick as kids. Once we are perceived as aged, people talk down to us and minimize our relevance. We become less important in society. Did you know that “elderspeak” is an actual thing? It is! Check out what Wikipedia has to say about elderspeak.
Elderspeak
When my grandmother lived with us people often talked to her as though she didn’t have a brain in her head. It was very annoying for me to witness, so I can only imagine how it made her feel. We’d go to the doctor, and the doctor would talk with me as though she wasn’t even in the room, or worse, like a veterinarian does when talking with me about my sick pet. It can be very detrimental to a person’s self-esteem to be talked down to. Elderspeak impacts the way older people are perceived by others, and also by themselves. Our Elders can start to feel as though they aren’t competent, or that they don’t matter.
Invisible after 50
I don’t know about you, but I started feeling invisible a long time ago. Advertisers are big offenders here. Pay close attention to the types of ads that are shown during prime TV and it’ll be obvious who is intended for their marketing demographic. I wrote about the disparity of respect in the marketing world compared to the purchasing power of women over 50 in this article, Are Women Relevant over 50? But the reality is the Millennials have overtaken the Baby Boomers in total numbers, and the variance will continue to grow as the Boomers die off. This means people over 50 are becoming less relevant as the years go on. That was one of the big inspirations for this website. I want to provide inspiration and positive mindset for women of a certain age who don’t see themselves positively reflected in today’s pop-culture.
Ageism is a Thing
The real issue with being called out as an older adult is agism. Popular culture has us believing that we are ugly because we have wrinkles, a normal part of aging. This Ted Talk from Ashton Applewhite describes the bias we have all bought into since we were kids. If you pay attention to those derogatory words for older people that I mentioned about, they mostly describe someone who is cranky and unhappy. The truth is people are happier at the beginning and end of their lives. We become increasingly unhappy until age 49, at which time we become more and more happy as our years go on. Isn’t that great news?
Anyone looking for a job today can tell you that agism is a reality. Of my many friends who have lost their jobs due to the pandemic, the younger less experienced ones are finding work faster than the older, more experienced workers. This is true even for those with extensive technical skills. The reasons are very complex, stemming from stereotypes about older adults being unwilling to learn new things, all the way to income. Older adults are in their peak earning years and more expensive than younger people with less experience.
Call it Out
I’m heartened by my many friends, both younger and older, who are calling bullsh*t on stereotyping of all kinds. Calling out discrimination is more common in today’s culture, as it should be. Bigotry has no place in an enlightened society. Awareness is the first step to ending “isms”. So, let’s pay attention to the messages we are sending to ourselves and to our children. Let’s stop trying to be young, and instead work on being our very best at every age.
I know many, many women who are in their 20’s who have more grey hair than I have at almost 60. Greying hair is not a sign of old age, so let’s stop being ashamed of those glistening silver strands. The bursitis in my hip is not as much a sign of aging as it a symptom of over extension in dancing throughout my life. My hips just aren’t as flexible as some other people’s, no matter how hard I try. Much of the “failures” of our bodies that we blame on age, are symptoms of loss of use. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
I’ll try to be less sensitive to being referred to as “mature”. I’ve been mature my whole life! So what are your “hot buttons” when it comes to ageism? Share with us, below.
