Happiness, Choice, and Setting Intentions

We’ve had a challenging times of unrest in our country. It reminds me of the tumultuous, culture changing times of our 60’s and 70’s. Although I was quite young, I can’t help comparing and thinking that our country is experiencing some big and healthy culture shifts. We need to collectively commit to setting intentions. It’s hard to see the healthy stuff in the middle of all of the painful growing pains, but if you look deeply, with a willingness to let go of what no longer serves us, you will see that society is evolving, and it’s not all bad. 

People will label things as “good” and “bad”. When, in reality, there is always a yin-yang in everything.  You can’t truly experience joy without having a reference of despair. Studies show that people will invest in, and defend, what they choose for themselves, even if it causes them pain.  I wish I could find the study to reference here for you, but the gist of it is this:

The Choice is Yours

When women experienced challenges in their marriages that became hard enough to make them leave (such as a spouse who becomes an alcoholic, or some other behavioral issue that makes it difficult for them to contribute as an equal partner in the relationship), the women ranked their life satisfaction quite low.  The study followed several women for many years. 

Over that period of time, several of the women went back to their spouses.  The women were polled again a year or so later, and they ranked their life satisfaction significantly higher than before, even though the variable factors had not changed from the first polling prior to having left the marriage.  The women had the same challenges in their marriages as before, yet they aggressively defended their choices and ranked their satisfaction higher. 

The fact that they made the choice was the main factor in their overall satisfaction. They were invested.  They set intentions for themselves in the relationship and they were invested in the outcome, so much so that they ranked their satisfaction higher, even when nothing had changed.  Even in the most challenging of times, we will accept and even like whatever was our choice.

Happiness is a Choice

All of that is to illustrate, once again, that happiness is a choice.  We can choose to like it, or we can struggle, but at the end of the day things happen that are outside of our control.  When we choose to focus on areas that we can control, even during challenging times, we are much happier.

So, here we are in the midst of incredible social change.  People are more polarized than ever, to the point of seeing only “sides”.  Friends are now enemies, families aren’t speaking.  I can’t believe the anger I’ve witnessed.

When things become complicated in the world, I typically become quiet and introspective.  I try to discover the root cause of my feelings. Not the surface issue, not what I see, but the deep-down issue these events bring up for me.  The “trigger” if you will.  And here’s what keeps bubbling up…

We Can Work it Out

Now is our time. The time for mature, evolved women.  I’ve never been surer of the importance of wise, collaborative women in our world, than today.  It’s time to step into the light, and to light another’s proverbial fire.

Remember our mothers and grandmothers, our teachers, and mentors? They weren’t invisible to us, or to anyone around them. In fact, we remember them vividly. They were incredibly impactful in our lives. From their strong examples we learned to teach and correct with respect and love. They gave us confidence to try.  When they were younger, we sometimes learned from their living examples of what not to do, but as they aged, we witnessed their developing wisdom, and they became even more beautiful to us.

Women don’t all agree on everything, yet we can work together for a common good.  We display these skills every day in our families, our committees, our careers, and our hobbies.  A wise woman won’t react out of emotion, or fear.  She knows that clearer heads prevail.  Instead, she will use her resources, seek counsel, and she will sleep on it before acting.

Find Common Ground

It’s time for all of us to put aside our differences of opinion and approach and work together with committed intentions for the greater good. Let’s find the attributes we can agree on, set an intention, and have everything we do, and say come from that space.  Kind of like establishing “community standards”. We need to let go of that which no longer serves us and be willing to help our world to evolve. Instead of looking outside of ourselves for villains and blame.  Let’s look within for intent and example, then share that!

What is Being Intentional?

When we are being intentional, we are acting “on purpose”. It’s a vision of how you want to “show up” in the world.  An intention is a concept surrounding behavior more than a goal, a path rather than a destination. So, you might set an intention to remain calm in tense situations, or to notice joyful moments throughout your day.  Maybe you’d like to be more present with your family at dinnertime. They are not to be confused with actions or obligations. If you’d like to read more about those, check out my article on Beautiful Obligations right HERE. 

As you go about your day, remind yourself of your intentions. You could write them on post-it notes and leave them in your work space, or you could set reminders on your phone.  By purposefully thinking of your intentions, you’ll start to notice them on your own.  Your brain will start looking for them because you’ve chosen to notice them, and you will eventually become what you intend.  Try spending time each morning to reflect on your intentions for the day. You could incorporate this as part of your spiritual practice, or as a stand-alone endeavor.

Setting Intentions 

What example can you be in your community that you would like to see reflected back to you in the world? I bet we have more in common than not.  That’s the best place to start.  I know I’m on to something because I wrote those last few paragraphs in my weekly newsletter last week, verbatim, and several of you reached out to me to share your intentions and areas you would like to work on within yourselves to elevate the world around you.

If, like me, you like to take action when things get tough, try spending some time reflecting on the following question. Then, share it on the Sweet Freedom Living Facebook or Instagram pages.

Intention Reflection – One quality I would like to cultivate is ___________.

Feel like this is your time to step up? Let me hear from you.