Loyalty and Mindset: The Connection Between Commitment and Integrity

Loyalty is a fascinating concept. It’s often assumed to be an innate quality, something we either have or we don’t. But when you dig deeper, you realize that loyalty is actually a mindset—a way of thinking that shapes our choices, our relationships, and even our sense of identity.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about loyalty, particularly in my career. Having worked for the same company for 35 years, I became something of an anomaly in an era where, according to this Forbes article, employees who stay longer than 2 years earn about 50% less. (Though that wasn’t my experience, to be clear.) My long tenure wasn’t just about job security or comfort—it was about commitment, both to the people I worked with and the values we upheld. It became a banner of honor to Outwit, Outplay, Outlast, even in the most challenging of times. Although I never got voted off the island I didn’t get that big prize check at the end.

The Power of Loyalty in the Workplace

One of the greatest strengths of our company was the sheer amount of intellectual capital we built over time. The leadership team had decades of experience, which meant we could navigate just about any challenge. I remember a computer outage that could have brought our operations to a standstill. But because many of us had been around long enough to know how to write contracts by hand, we were able to keep things running until the system was restored.

This kind of deep-rooted knowledge doesn’t come from a revolving door of employees—it comes from a culture that values and rewards long-term commitment. And yet, today, companies seem to be less inclined to foster that kind of loyalty. They see employees as interchangeable, prioritizing short-term efficiency over long-term stability.

But loyalty, when nurtured, isn’t just beneficial for the company—it’s beneficial for the individual. It builds resilience, fosters deep connections, and creates a sense of purpose.

Loyalty as a Mindset in Relationships

I’ve been called “pathologically loyal” by friends. To me, loyalty means prioritizing relationships over grievances. It means that, barring serious betrayal, I believe most conflicts can be worked through. I don’t abandon friendships or commitments easily, and when I do, it’s usually because I’ve been left first—whether emotionally or physically.

But not everyone shares this perspective. Some people cut ties at the first sign of discomfort, believing that moving on is easier than working through problems. This difference in approach often boils down to mindset. Do you see relationships as something to be nurtured and preserved, or as disposable when they no longer serve you?

Loyalty in Consumer Behavior

This brings me to a different kind of loyalty—the kind we show to brands and businesses. This entire article was inspired because I’ve been a subscriber to Bon Appetit since the early 80s. For years, I carefully saved my magazines, poring over recipes and crafting meals that became family traditions. When digital content became available, I embraced it, assuming my long-standing investment in the magazine meant I’d have continued access to the recipes I loved.

But last Thanksgiving, I discovered that Bon Appetit had put their digital archives behind a paywall. Recipes I had already paid for—some of which had been on my table for decades—were now inaccessible unless I was willing to pay again. It felt like a betrayal. Where was the reward for my decades of loyalty?

It got me thinking about how companies treat loyal customers. Grocery stores reward frequent shoppers with coupons. Employers incentivize long-term workers with additional vacation days. But many businesses take customer loyalty for granted, offering little incentive for continued support.

Take my husband, for example. He’s owned three or four Mazdas over the years, yet he’s never received so much as a thank-you discount or perk for his brand loyalty. Or Disneyland, where I’ve been an annual passholder since the early 90s. They used to offer discounts to renewing passholders, but now there’s virtually no reason to renew before my pass expires. So why not hold on to my money after my pass expires until next time we want to go to the parks? What’s our incentive to renew now?

The Link Between Mindset and Loyalty

Loyalty is deeply tied to mindset. Those who value integrity and commitment often find it difficult to walk away, even when they feel undervalued. Others see loyalty as conditional—something that must be continually earned.

So how can we reconcile these perspectives? Here are a few actionable steps to develop a loyalty mindset while ensuring we aren’t taken for granted:

1. Know Your Values: Before committing to anything—a job, a relationship, a brand—ask yourself what loyalty means to you. Are you staying because you genuinely believe in it, or out of habit?
2. Set Boundaries: Loyalty shouldn’t mean blind devotion. If a job, relationship, or company no longer aligns with your values, it’s okay to walk away.
3. Communicate Expectations: If you value loyalty, make it known. Whether in friendships or business relationships, setting clear expectations can prevent disappointment down the road.
4. Reward Loyalty in Others: If you’re a business owner, leader, or even just a friend, recognize and appreciate loyalty. A simple thank you, discount, or acknowledgment can go a long way in maintaining trust.
5. Reassess Periodically: Loyalty doesn’t mean never changing course. Check in with yourself regularly to ensure your commitments still serve you.

How to Know When It’s Time to Quit

Loyalty is admirable, but it shouldn’t be limitless. Sometimes, staying committed can do more harm than good. Here’s how to recognize when it might be time to walk away:

• You’re Being Taken for Granted: If your loyalty isn’t reciprocated or valued, it may be time to reconsider your commitment.
• Your Values Are No Longer Aligned: Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a brand, if the fundamental values shift in a way that doesn’t sit right with you, that’s a sign to move on.
• You Feel Drained Instead of Energized: Loyalty should bring a sense of purpose, not constant exhaustion or frustration.
• You Stay Out of Fear, Not Commitment: If you’re only holding on because you’re afraid of change or loss, it might be time to reevaluate.
• You’ve Expressed Concerns, but Nothing Changes: If you’ve communicated your expectations and the situation remains the same, loyalty shouldn’t keep you stuck.

Knowing when to quit isn’t about giving up—it’s about ensuring that your commitments reflect your values and well-being.

How to Cultivate a Healthy Loyalty Mindset

To truly embrace loyalty as a mindset without being taken advantage of, consider these additional strategies:

• Practice Self-Respect: Loyalty should never come at the cost of your self-worth. Stay committed to what aligns with your values and enhances your well-being.
• Develop Emotional Intelligence: Understanding when to persist and when to let go is key. Strengthening emotional intelligence helps you make informed decisions about loyalty.
• Recognize the Difference Between Loyalty and Obligation: True loyalty comes from a place of genuine commitment, not guilt or pressure.
• Encourage Open Dialogue: Whether in business or personal life, discussing expectations can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that loyalty is reciprocated.

Final Thoughts

Loyalty is a mindset, and like all mindsets, you can learn to shape it by your experiences and choices. For me, loyalty is about integrity, commitment, and the belief that relationships—whether personal or professional—are worth investing in. But it’s also about balance. While I will always default to commitment, I’ve learned that loyalty must be a two-way street.

It is crucial for each of us to learn where to draw the line between healthy loyalty and being taken for granted. By aligning our commitments with our values and setting clear boundaries, we can cultivate loyalty in a way that enriches our lives rather than drains us.

If you enjoyed mindset topics, check out this older one titled Affirmations: We are what we believe.

What does loyalty mean to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.