Be Your Own Valentine: How to Stop Feeling Let Down

Happy Valentine’s Day!

How did that greeting make you feel? Excited? Indifferent? Maybe even a little sad? This so-called “Hallmark Holiday” can sometimes stir up complicated emotions. If you don’t have a romantic partner or your sweetheart isn’t the grand gesture type, it’s easy to feel left out. But, maybe you can be your own Valentine!

I regularly see posts about how to “survive” Valentine’s Day or how to “cope” with being alone. But why do we frame a lighthearted event as something to endure? What if, instead of surviving, we took charge of our experience? What if we decided to celebrate ourselves?

What Are Your Valentine’s Day Thoughts?

If you’re feeling a pang of loneliness or disappointment today, I invite you to pause and ask yourself:

• What thoughts am I having about Valentine’s Day?
• What am I making it mean about me?
• How do those thoughts make me feel?
• And when I feel this way, how do I show up in my life?

Our brain churns out thousands of thoughts each day. There’s a widely cited (though somewhat debated) claim that we have 60,000 thoughts daily, with 95% being repetitive and 85% negative. Whether or not the numbers are exact, the takeaway is clear: we tend to reinforce the same thoughts, and many of them are unkind.

So, if you’re feeling down about today, it’s likely not Valentine’s Day itself causing the pain—it’s the meaning you’re attaching to it.

My Past Valentine’s Day Disappointments

I get it. I used to be one of those women who secretly hoped my sweetheart would read my mind and plan the perfect surprise. I’d imagine an extravagant gesture—dozens of roses delivered to my office, a romantic card, maybe even a surprise dinner reservation.

But that never happened. And each year, I felt disappointed. If I was single, I envied the women who got the big bouquets. If I was in a relationship, I felt let down if the day didn’t unfold the way I imagined.

The thoughts swirling in my head?

• Nobody loves me.
• He doesn’t care enough.
• I must not be special enough to be spoiled.

And those thoughts? They led to feelings of sadness, unworthiness, and resentment.

And it wasn’t just Valentine’s Day. I had this same cycle of expectations and letdowns for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas. Any occasion where I hoped to feel cherished became an opportunity for disappointment.

The Shift: Throwing My Own Dang Party

Eventually, I realized something life-changing: I was responsible for my own happiness.

Instead of waiting for someone to read my mind and plan the perfect day, I started celebrating myself. I bought my own flowers. I treated myself to something special. I left little hints about what I wanted—if someone got the memo, great! If not, I’d happily buy it for myself.

I took charge of my joy. And let me tell you, it was freeing.

How to Celebrate Yourself on Valentine’s Day (or Any Day!)

If you’re feeling down today, I want to challenge you to turn it around. Here’s how you can start celebrating yourself:

1. Redefine What the Day Means

Instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as a judgment on your relationship status, consider it a reminder to love and appreciate yourself. Shift your perspective:

• Instead of “I don’t have anyone to celebrate with,” try “I have a chance to honor myself today.”
• Instead of “I wish someone would spoil me,” try “I can treat myself the way I want to be treated.”

2. Create Your Own Traditions

Why should couples have all the fun? Create a Valentine’s tradition that feels good to you:

• Solo Date Night: Take yourself to dinner, see a movie, or have a cozy night in with your favorite meal.
• Self-Care Spa Night: Buy a face mask, run a bubble bath, light candles, and relax.
• Love Letter to Yourself: Write a letter highlighting what you love about yourself and what you’re proud of.
• Galentine’s Gathering: Invite friends over for a night of laughter, good food, and connection.

3. Indulge in Something Special

Who says you need someone else to gift you flowers or chocolates? Treat yourself to:

• A bouquet of flowers (Trader Joe’s has gorgeous, affordable options!)
• A decadent dessert
• A bottle of bubbly or your favorite tea
• A book you’ve been wanting to read
• A luxurious lotion or candle

4. Express Love to Others

Sometimes, the best way to feel love is to give it. Reach out to friends, family, or even strangers with a small act of kindness:

• Send a heartfelt text or card.
• Compliment a coworker.
• Pay for someone’s coffee.
• Make a donation to a cause you care about.

5. Reflect on the Love Already in Your Life

Love isn’t just romantic—it’s in friendships, family, pets, and even the kindness of strangers. Make a list of all the ways you are loved and appreciated.

6. Plan for Future Happiness

Use this day to dream and plan something exciting. Maybe you:

• Book a solo trip
• Sign up for a class or hobby you’ve been interested in
• Set a fun goal for the next month

7. Ditch Social Media Comparisons

Scrolling through highlight reels of grand gestures can stir up envy. Remember, social media is curated—people share the best moments, not the full story. If it triggers negative feelings, give yourself permission to log off for the day.

My Favorite Valentine: A Sweet Memory

Before I wrap up, I want to share a special Valentine’s memory. My dad often surprised me on Valentine’s Day. He’d call my office to ask if I had lunch plans, sometimes bringing me a single rose or chocolates. If we weren’t nearby, he’d send a card or give me a call.

One year, he even sang “My Funny Valentine” over the phone.

Those gestures weren’t about grandiosity—they were about love. And they taught me that love comes in many forms. It’s not about whether someone showers you with roses; it’s about the people who show up for you in big and small ways.

(And Dad, if you’re reading this—I cherish every one of those memories.)

Final Thoughts: Love Yourself First

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a source of sadness. You have the power to rewrite the script. Instead of waiting for someone to make you feel loved, start showing up for yourself. If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy reading THIS POST on unconditional love and intention.

And if you do that—not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day—you’ll find that the most important love of all is the one you give yourself.

So tell me, how are you going to celebrate yourself today? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear!